What Is Love?
by DreamInVintage
Summary: Embry thinks he's in love. Well, crap.


"How do you know if you're in love?"

Paul laughs. Jerk.

"Dude, you serious?"

Embry's cheeks are flaming, but he nods yes. Paul chuckles again. "Who's the unlucky girl?" he asks Embry. Funny guy.

Embry rolls his eyes. "Whatever, man," he says, and starts to walk away, ignoring the sinking feeling of disappointment in his gut.

He makes it three steps.

"Wait," Paul calls out, and his voice sounds different.

Embry turns.

"You serious… About that question?"

Embry nods.

Paul swallows. "If you tell anyone I told you this, I'll happily stuff your balls up your ass and superglue them there." Embry gulps. Then he nods again.

Paul sighs. "Look, kid. You don't fall in love a lot. Hell, most people never fall in love. They just find someone they think they can tolerate, then slap a wedding ring on them and ignore each other for the rest of their life. But kid, real love is different. Real love is when everyday you're torn between ripping her throat out and kissing her senseless. When you'd rather die than see her get a paper cut. When you're away from her, it hurts. And that's not just because of the imprint," Paul adds sternly. "You know all her imperfections, but they make her even more perfect. Kid, love is… Love's something special."

Embry's eyes are wide. Who knew Paul could be so… good with words? "Uh… thanks." Embry manages.

Then Paul mumbles about needing to jerk off, and Embry takes it as his cue to leave.

...

It takes Quil eleven minutes and thirty-eight seconds to stop laughing. "The fuck, dude? You are such a damn _girl!_"

"Not a girl," Embry says. "And it's easy for the rest of you guys. You all already have imprints. I don't have a fucking clue, man."

"Who is it, man?" Quil asks. "Come on, tell me who she is, bro."

Embry shakes his head, his eyes maybe a little too panicked, because the next thing that comes out of Quil's mouth is: "Well, I mean, if it is a she." Quil winks at Embry. "Cause you know I don't care, man. Whoever makes you happy, well, that's good. But I'd draw the line at dogs." Quil starts laughing again. Hilarious.

Why did Embry even think of asking Quil again?

"Love is…" Quil thinks after he catches his breath. "I dunno, man. Love is when I put down my piece of chocolate cake to pick up Claire." He grins stupidly, and scratches at a mosquito bite.

...

"When I'm around her, I feel like I can't breathe," Jake says, his voice slightly muffled. He's working on Jared's car. Apparently something or another broke down and everyone knows Jake's the best mechanic around. Or, at least, that's what Jake's been telling everyone.

Embry squirms. Jake's been talking for at least half an hour now. Maybe he should have brought a notepad.

"She's so perfect, you know man? And when you look at her… I just want to drop to my feet and worship her beauty."

Embry nods, because he can definitely relate to that.

"She's everything I didn't know I wanted, but everything I now know I need. I think about her all the time. Nessie's the best thing in my life man. Though you're a close second." Jake pops out from under the car and smirks at Embry. Embry scowls.

"So how long?" Jake asks.

"I dunno," Embry says. "I've known her for a while… I just…. I think I'm…" His throat closes up, and he's disgusted with himself. If he can't say it to Jake, how in fuck's sake will he be able to say it to _her_?

Jake claps him on the back. "You tell her, bro. No homo or anything, but you're kind of really hot. Whoever she is, she's probably been wanting you for long then you think."

Embry chokes on his spit because the idea is so preposterous.

...

Jared's always been a man of few words, and not one to pry. Embry's immensely grateful for that. After Embry asks Jared the question, Jared doesn't even look surprised. He answers immediately.

"She makes me happy. That's how I know I'm in love."

Embry asks him to elaborate.

"I can be myself with her. And she can be herself with me. She can do whatever and I'll still never be able to let her go."

Embry's palms are sweaty. He's not sure, but he thinks he's in love with her. God, he is so screwed. He's just a kid.

...

"How long have you known her?" Sam asks, his voice full of concern for his friend.

"Um, ever since I was born, practically." Embry laughs nervously.

Sam's eyes widen.

"But I haven't been possibly in love with her for that long," Embry reassures. "She used to be nice and then she turned into a bitch and now… well, she's got some issues, but I think they make her more perfect. She wouldn't be her without her past. We've been good friends for a few years now?" At least, he hopes they've been good friends.

"When do you think you fell in love with her?"

"Uh… I guess…. Well, I mean, I had a crush on her forever. I mean, she's like the hottest girl on the reservation. Maybe even the hottest in here and Forks combined."

Sam rolls his eyes. "You need to tell her," he says, then walks away.

Embry kind of wants to punch him for being so nonchalant about it all. Tell her? He'd end up with ten broken bones and a castrated penis.

...

Embry is about to ask Seth, but decides against it. If he thought asking Sam was awkward, then Seth would just be horrible. And Embry's pretty sure it isn't even legal. If Seth ever figures out who Embry was talking about… Embry shudders at the mental image in his head.

...

He must be insane. Completely bat-shit crazy to come over here and ask _this _idiot, of all people, for help.

Emmett's hooting makes him wince.

"Finally! You gonna lose it with her?" The vampire grins.

Embry's eyes widen with indignation. "I'm not a virgin!" He growls out, puffing up his chest.

Emmett just laughs. "Sure you're not, prude. I have a built-in radar, remember?" He taps his forehead. "I can _tell_ who hasn't been getting any." A wink.

"I'm not!" Embry whines.

"She hot?" Emmett smirks. "Cause if you don't mind sharing, Rose and I are always up for – ."

Emmett's slammed against the wall before Embry even realizes what he's doing. He's snarling and gripping Emmett's collar, and the vampire's face is vaguely amused.

"Well, well," Emmett drawls, letting a bit of his farm-boy accent creep into his voice. "Guess you are serious about this one."

Embry lets Emmett go, face flushing with embarrassment. God, what was he thinking? He's just a stupid kid. He's lucky Emmett didn't demolish him.

Emmett chuckles. "I ain't mad. I like that commitment."

Embry asks him the question.

"Hm. That's a toughie. I guess I know I'm in love when if I accomplish something, the first person I want to tell is her. She always makes me smile. Even if Rosie turns into a psychopath and a serial killer, I would still love her and do anything she wanted me to do. She could kick me a thousand times and I'd still come back to her. If she dies, I'll follow her in a second. Without her, I would just be a body, you know? Like…floating aimlessly. But she gives my life purpose. Seeing her face everyday… She's why I am what I am, and I know I'd be nothing without Rose." Emmet's face splits into a big grin. "That deep enough for you, pup?"

Embry's throat is dry and he nods. "Uh… thanks."

...

Embry throws another rock at her window and wonders if this is the stupidest thing he has ever done in his life. This always seems so much more romantic in the movies.

"Leah," he whisper-yells, and winces, because his voice is way too loud and awkward in the night. He tosses another pebble.

"Leah!"

He hears the soft sound of cursing, and the padding of feet. Embry smiles in victory. He sees Leah's silhouette force the squeaky window open, and she sticks her head out.

"Jesus Christ, Call, it's two o'clock in the fucking morning, what in the fuck do you have to say that can't wait until it's a time when normal fucking people are actually up and about and frolicking or whatever the fuck they do?" Her voice is laced with venom, but it's confused and groggy from sleep, and Embry's never heard anything more sexy in his life.

"Meet me at your front door," he yells. "I need to tell you something."

She curses and slams the window shut. Embry really, really hopes she didn't go back to sleep. He jogs towards the front of her house, and suddenly realizes how stupid the whole thing is. Immediately, he starts sweating and his tongue feels like its five sizes too big. His clothes are either too formal or informal for what he's going to tell her. He's a mess, and if he gets through the next few minutes without fainting, it'll be a goddamn miracle.

He arrives at the porch and stands at the front door, fidgeting nervously. When she doesn't come to the door after five seconds, Embry fears for the worst. Maybe she went back to sleep. Or broke her arm coming down the stairs. Or stepped on a Lego. Those things hurt like hell.

After two excruciating minutes of Embry mentally debating on whether or not busting down her door would be considered weird and stalkerish, he hears footsteps on the other side. Then the door opens.

Embry's jaw drops, because sure, he knows Leah's hot (he's in love with her, for crying out loud), but nothing in the world could have prepared him for her in her pajamas. She's wearing a fucking tank top and his eyes seem to keep gravitating towards her chest. Embry's pretty sure she's not wearing shorts at all, they seem spray-painted onto her perfect ass. Her hair is in a messy bun, and she's wearing a scowl on her face. Embry wants to kiss it right off. He is so fucked.

Embry can't stop staring, and Leah's growing increasingly impatient.

"Well? What did you drag me down here at two in the fucking morning for?" She snaps.

He reluctantly tears his gaze away from her legs (which, by the way, go on forever) and stares at her face. Her perfect face. Her eyes could cut through steel but melt his heart at the same time. Her nose is thin and straight, right in the center of her face. Leah's lips are plump and full, and now she's gnawing on the bottom one in frustration, and Embry's pants are suddenly 27 sizes too small.

"Embry?" Leah asks, and her voice is much softer, like she senses the gravity of the situation. "What's wrong?"

"I, uh, I…" He stutters. _Get it together, Call. Leah wants a man, not a fucking kid. _Embry's 6'4, five inches taller than Leah, but under her gaze, he feels like an ant.

She just _looks_ at him with her eyes, and he nearly falls apart.

"Dude, we've been friends for three years. Tell me already."

Embry's mouth starts spewing words and he can't control it. "So you know how we've known each other since we were in diapers? Well I had a crush on you in third grade but then you pulled my ears and I stopped liking you and then I thought you were hot in middle school but you were way too popular for me to even talk to you, and then in high school it was like WHOA when I saw you because you grew and got tall and got even more beautiful. And then you went out with Sam and after I heard what he did I wanted to punch him in the face but I couldn't cause he was all big and strong and I was just a kid and I don't even think you knew who I was. Anyways, I got worried about you cause you got all quiet and then you started hating life and then I joined the pack and then you joined the pack and you were such a fucking bitch and I'm not gonna lie, everyone kind of hated you, me included, but sometimes we got to see you naked when you exploded out of your clothes so that was a plus. And then you joined Jake's pack and so did I and then we became friends because we were awesome and then I still thought you were really hot and I don't even think you realize how hot you are which makes you even hotter, because I know even the imprinted guys check you out when you're not looking or noticing but I notice and I want to punch them in the face, except my mom wants me to be a pacifist, so I don't. And you make me happy and I love being around you and everything about you is unbelievably cool. Oh yeah, and I'm definitely in love with you."

Embry takes a huge breath, gasping for air. Then he steels himself for the punch or kiss he knows is going to come. Hopefully the latter.

He doesn't expect Leah Clearwater to close the door in his face.

Embry's heart does this thing inside his chest that really hurts, really goddamn hurts. Then it kind of shrivels up and dies.

...

The thing that's bugging Embry is, Leah didn't even slam the door. She just closes it. Which means pity. And Embry would much rather have Leah's hate than pity.

...

Embry's started counting the cracks on his wall. He keeps messing up, though.

His breath smells like shit.

He's not really sure how long he's been lying in bed. He's not really sure he cares. Apparently his mom made some bullshit excuse to Sam about how he's sick. Of course, Sam knows wolves can't get sick. Yesterday, the whole fucking pack came over (with the exception of a certain female) and demanded to know what was going on. Embry lost track of what number he was on and started again.

Apparently they figured out it has something to do with the mystery girl he was talking about, and Sam's agreed to give him one week off patrol. To recover. Ha. As if a broken heart was something you could recover from.

Eventually, Embry can't stand the smell of himself anymore and goes in his bathroom to take a shower, brush his teeth, and change clothes. He accidentally cuts himself while he's shaving. Three times. Embry's too fucking out of it to do anything. He's worthless. No wonder Leah didn't want him. He's a pathetic kid. He can't give her anything. Leah could have anything or anyone she wanted.

He hears his mom yell something about her going to work and Embry grunts in response. He goes back to his bed.

Somehow, he falls asleep.

...

He doesn't see Leah Clearwater again for three weeks. She's really fucking good at avoiding him, considering that they're in the same pack and all. But somehow she got Jake to switch their patrols, and now he patrols with Quil, and tries not to think about Leah. It hurts his head and heart, but there's no way he's going to let Clearwater ruin him. He's not going to become a pathetic, whiny bitch like she was. Embry's fine without Leah. She annoys the hell out of him, and when sometimes when she laughs she snorts. She's way too old for him anyways, and they would never work out. Embry doesn't need Leah.

It really doesn't help matters that he's still in love with her.

...

When he wakes up, he knows he's insane.

The dreams were bad enough, but now he's moved on to hallucinations?

"Embry," the Leah-hallucination says cautiously. She's sitting on his chair. In his bedroom.

Embry closes his eyes and wills the hallucination to leave.

"Embry," it says again, and it mimics her so perfectly that he almost believes it.

"Go away," he says, his voice sounding so weak that he hates himself.

"No," it says, and its voice is stronger now.

"No," it repeats. "Look at me."

Embry does, because even if it's a hallucination, it's still Leah's voice. And if Leah wants him to do something, he'll do it. Embry will do anything for her.

Embry looks at Leah and knows she's real. There's no way his mind could come up with something so perfect.

"Embry," Leah says.

"You're gorgeous," he says. He can't stop. "You're so beautiful right now, and I can't believe you're actually here."

"Embry," she says again.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," Embry says, because he loves her, and she's just going to have to accept it, because there's no way he'll be able to hold it in when he's around Leah.

She closes her eyes.

Is that a tear?

"Fuck you, Call," she says, but there's no hatred in her voice. She just sounds broken, and Embry wants to be the one to fix her. "Fuck you for making me want you when you could imprint on someone else. You know how stupid this is. I know how stupid this is. When I could get hurt again, like… like Sam. I tried to avoid you. But dammit, you're everywhere. You're in my dreams and in everything I see. You're always there. You're so stupid, Embry. You're weird and annoying and socially awkward. I'm going to stomp all over your heart and rip it out. I don't deserve anything you ever will give me. You know that, right? We'll never work out. I'm too screwed up for you. You're going to settle down and have 3 kids and a nice imprint who makes pies and a house with a picket fence and a huge lawn and a big apple tree."

"I love you," Embry repeats stupidly. He does. He does love her. Everything Paul said, Quil said, Jake said, everyone he asked said – all those things apply to him right now. He's so in love with Leah that he thinks he might explode.

She half-laughs, half-sobs. "So I've noticed."

Embry can't hold back anymore. He gets off his bed and walks towards Leah, who's now frozen. Embry tilts her head up and presses his lips to her, firm but gentle. Giving her a choice to walk away. "Tell me to stop," he says.

Leah's eyes glisten with tears. "Kiss me, you idiot."

Embry's mouth smashes into hers and it's perfect and amazing and wonderful and it's _Leah_ and she's here and he's kissing her and he thinks he's crying, everything's so beautiful. She tastes like life and spring and freshness and berries and her lips are moving perfectly against his. When they finally break apart for air, Embry's eyes are shining.

"I love you," he grins. "I love you, I love you. I'll never leave you. I'll worship you every day, I swear. I'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I'll protect you from all evil. You're beautiful. You're everything."

He's crying, and his tears taste salty on his tongue. He's never been more happy in his entire life.

"Idiot," Leah laughs. "Idiot."

He kisses her neck, her forehead, her cheeks, every single part of her. When he lightly nips the spot under her jaw Leah moans, and it's the most perfect sound Embry has ever heard. He marks that spot away in his brain for future reference. Embry starts kissing her collarbone and Leah pants out, "Get your lips back up here, idiot."

Embry laughs, deliriously happy, and seals his mouth over hers. This time, her mouth is open and ready, and he dives right into it, happily exploring every corner of it with his tongue. She lets him, submitting gladly. Their tongues tangle together and it's sloppy and messy and gorgeous.

He finally pulls away and Leah has a dazed look on her face. Her lips are swollen and her hair is messy and her cheeks and flushed. "Mine," he says proudly.

She rolls her eyes. "Possessive freak."

"I'm the only one who will ever see you like this again," he promises, intertwining their hands together. "I love you."

"I love you too, you idiot. I love you so much, and it scares me to death," Leah whispers into his skin, and this moment is so perfect that Embry wants to frame it and stare at it and live in it forever.

Yeah, he's just a stupid, immature kid, but he has Leah, and that's what counts.


End file.
